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No Longer WaitingI waited for you.before i was born i was waiting.and every breath i've takensince my first gasphas been waitingfor the exhale to fall into your souland breathe me, waiting, like I dobut now I will exhale, without youyou have grown stale in my chestI will breathe me freelyand discover(in no longer tryingto hold this breathbehind my lips)that i have a voice.you rattle inside this heart filled cage,now open for you to be freed,lift this weight out of my chestand let me rise, like my very first breath,no longer waiting
Aged Innocencemy hand has been frozen herewrapped around a doorknobI wasn't strong enough to turnand yet peeking out the frosty windowi felt him pull on my shirt tailand as I turnedI looked into a pair of my own eyesand saw into the soul of four-year-old innocencesuddenly aged as much as I.(why have I not seen this?)I'm praying for a nice daddy.His words would have made me turn the knob,but the look on his facehad already opened the door.
Drops of Mercurydrops of mercuryrise in your eyesreflecting the slow burncoursing through my veinsmy love surrounds youlike an adoring moonin an eternal orbitand i can only imaginethe euphoria that i will feelwhen we finally touchwords could not survive herein this dark vacuum between usthey would only break this sweet tensionholding us together like Saturn's ringsthe delicious taste of what is to comelifts the corner of my mouthin a shy smile tinged with smoky desireand then you touch me.lightlysweetlyfinallyand I pull youto meinto me.
Long Distance FallI am sitting herewatching my toes curlpainted red to match my cheeksas i listen to you tell me againhow much you miss me andhow much youlovemyvoice.I am holding back fromtossing the words out thereas i try to make sure againthat I love you for youand not forwhatIdon'thavenow.I will wait here like thisindefinitely I thinkas I hope and wishlike a little girl once gonethat youlovemeback.
Euphoria Untitled IIi hold this knife in my trembling handlost in the flecks of lightglinting across the bladethey glow red in the thin film of my bloodthat lies along the edge like a bannerI just traced italong my cold, lonely skinand for only a moment,I wasn't alone.trail the sharpened tip down my handto the place where my life runslike a blue river under my skini want to push the sharpness inand let the pain flow outI know this is the only wayI will ever be able to leave.voices comebegging me to staythey sound as empty as I didas I sobbed pleas to himand he laughed.I am just a stupid little personin love with him.Always him.but just as I cannot summon the strengthto walk away from him,I cannot bring myself to slide this metalany further into my skinbut I look at my front door and wonderif I could maybe just turn the doorknob...
Rollercoaster by euphoriaRollercoaster04/17/02Kit Schroederclimbing so slowlylittle by littleyou promise when we get to the topthat I will be able to look backover all the valleys and seehow very far we've comeI am so excitedeverything's going wellrevel in the cotton candy kissesyou plant on my cheekstill damp from not-so-long-ago tearsbut none of that matters nowI am anxious to see the topCresting the hill nowalmost come to a stoplong enough for me to see a glimpseof how beautiful it could beifonlyIcouldstayuphere.But then the wishes blow through my hairand my sanity starts to lift from its groundingin the weightlessness of your forceful anger andmy fear is matched by the volumeof my frustrated, painful screams,wrenched from a soul that always knewwe'd never stay at the top long.
something you do not hearI love you.More than I ever thought possible,and more than I want toat this moment.It's a weakness now,a fatal flaw in my soul that threatens to unravelthe tiny bit of sanity that I havewrapped up so tight arounda heart that has been breaking for a long timeI am angry at you.the rage at what I have becomeunder your not-so-careful ministrationsdraws me toward a voidthat could swallow me wholeand hold me until I am old.I am afraid of you.I know you could leave meand it chills the very soul you have brokentime and time againthe thought of this empty spacefills me with a lonely soundonly my sobs can drown outI adore you.The way you can make me laughso hard, at nothing.The way you look in your boxersand how you bury your face in my neckwhen you fall asleepThe sweetness of your touchand the precious, elusive joy in your rare smilescan take my breath away.________________And so I will apologize to youuncurl the ball of tears on the floorthat I have become yet
a better wifeI'm trapped inside this size 16 bodywondering what it's like to be someone elseif only for a momentjust to be beautifullooking to you for the assuranceto simply be meand yet I watch you slice so preciselythrough the heart of all I amwith your excusing little phrasesand your perfectly brutal logic.It's not my fault you're insecure, you sayyou were a mess way before I got hereI'm not obligated to tiptoe around youI like other women.And it's my God-given right to look at them.my mind screamshow can I make you understand?Don't you know how this makes me feel?I will never BE that.Why am I not enough?don't you know how badly I want you to want only me?What is it about me that makes youneed to see everyone else naked but me?What am I doing wrong?Maybe if you were a better wife, you say.
unbreakable - by euphoriabreathing the coppery scent of worryshe checked her watch againwondering why he was lateshe paced back and forthfrom the edge of the kitchento the window and backtrying not to slipin the puddle of fearslowly growing on the floor,littering the air above herwith hastily constructed prayerspainted with the urgencyof the unknown,and the goodbyes to a friend that never knewthey may have needed to be said-as-he was crawling from a twisted pile of metalunknowing of the miraclethat kept the attachment of his body and soulblissfully intactthrough a deadly pirouette thatsomehow claimed everything but him.____________I drop you off at the airporttwenty-four hours laterWe stand there for a momentand you watch me silentlyas I light a cigaretteand try to breathe the last two days outwith the acrid smokeand as you walk away,i realize that the bond of friendship we haveis even more unbreakablethan you are.