The Last Poemhere i hide within myself
my only real truths are spoken
in the form of stanzas and rhymes.
I am foolish.
I think no one sees the tortured soul
whose pen crafts images of pain,
I think no one hears the cries
of a little girl who has never known
the blessed truth of unconditional love
and the sweet completeness that is found
in the silent trust of another
I write as though no one notices
the topsy-turvy rollercoaster
I allow myself to feel
as I flutter from flower to flower
tasting, joyfully of its sweetness
then flying away
in fear the flower will close on me
and trap me within its darkness
just like every other flower ever has
I write continually,
that others see past the writings
into the heart of the writer
I think my poems sail
like frivolous fancies
through the lips of those who read them aloud
and fade instantly into oblivion
as their sounds melt into the air
I am wrong.
Those who read me,
and for you to know me,
What Happens When He Says No
what happens when he says no?
After everything you are is there for him to see
and he slowly pushes it back across the table to you
in a neat little package wrapped in "I'm sorry"
with a sad half-smile
and an almost casual brush of your hand
in that moment you are truly vulnerable,
laid open like a fish on a filet board
guts and all open for all to see
you're suddenly scrambling
to pull some dignity from the tatters
of whatever you offered him
cloak yourself in stuttering assurances
directed more to yourself than to him
wanting to be anywhere but there
stifling the need to explain,
to prove to him that this could be good
All he has to do is believe...
but he doesn't.
What happens when he says no?
when you have lost a little something of yourself
that can never be recovered,
when the tiny hole is made in your heart
and slowly fills with the cold metal left by rejection
hardening under the truth of reality's sun
what happens when he says no?
I will never kn
if i could reach far enough
my fingers would touch you
and trace the words i need to say
upon your lips
if i could see your eyes
i'd let you see mine
as far into me as you needed to
to know that i will be here as long as you let me
if my legs could run fast enough
I would be there already
for to be with you one moment
would be enough for all the moments of my life
if i could hear your voice
i would listen to your fear
as it slid between your halting words
and i would soothe it with my kisses
if i could show you my heart
maybe you would truly know me
and maybe your arms would encircle
this soul that is beginning to love you
and if i was strong enough
i would never have asked the question
and i would not be holding my breath
waiting for your answer.
I have begun to tell you this a hundred times
in just the last few hours
and yet the words fall apart in my fingers
just like my resolve not to tell you yet...
I have hummed the music to this for a while
and yet I never knew how to sing the lyrics
in words you would understand
in ways that wouldn't scare you
I still don't,
I wanted to see your eyes when I told you.
I made so many promises to myself
and even to you
when I tiptoed around the door to your heart
and I felt the fear behind it
I promised I wouldn't peek inside
until you opened it and let me in
I never even whispered the sacred word
never gave it a chance to steal into my soul
i pushed you down to the level you wanted to be at
somewhere between friend and casual lover
far below the place my eyes have wanted to lift you to
I know your fears and your facts
and the lives that make it all too much
for you to even consider or want or need
and I know the promise I made.
but I am already lost.
I hope you can forgi
Giddythe moment between
where you stand and where I hide
is far shorter than I thought
and the clever ruse-words I put up
somehow didn't stop you
you're sweeping through this empty space
with your honest smiles and open mind
changing everything I thought I was
and painting my life with the colors
I've never gotten to see
and the mirror smiled on me just now
for the first time in so long
as my eyes dared to sail across it
on the boat of your assurance
my fingertips trailed the line of my jaw
as i saw myself through your eyes
and I smiled impishly to think
that just maybe
someone else thought I was beautiful
I am laughing as I speak of it
and dancing as I walk from room to room
throwing open the windows
and letting in whatever wants to be here
curled up in the arms of Hope,
I slept, bathed in smiles.
I left the door to my room open
just a crack.
Maybe I don't need the locks anymore.
Humiliation - by euphoriaThree years ago, I took my then-boyfriend, his best friend, and my 2-year-old son to Old Orchard Beach in Maine. Brian and Eric had only seen the ocean once, being from South Dakota, and it was a bit of a treat for them. They had only been in Maine a few days, having driven all the way just to stay with me for the summer. I was caught up in the joy of having Brian near me, but also still very image-conscious. I still had to impress him, of course.
We walked down the boardwalk and ordered huge boxes of greasy, salty french fries, and settled down on a spot of sand amid the crowds of people who were enjoying the weather. We talked while we ate, commenting on all the seagulls flying over, admiring their diving acrobatics over the water. After a while, I realized there was no way I was going to finish all those fries, and so hopping up from my spot on the blanket I walked the thirty feet to the trash can in the sand. I thought it would be a nice gesture to toss some fries on the gro
Months: Januarycold night falls
in a blanket of fresh snow
its eerie silence broken only by
a passing car trying to get home
before it snows again
then the wind asks the snow for a dance
and they merge, swirling and tumbling
to the music of the wind's whistling song
while children lie sleeping
tucked under goosedown comforters
with mother-kisses on their rosy cheeks
Old Man Winter has set up permanent shop, it seems
and the banished sun may only smile from afar
his warmth somehow lost in the twinkling sequins
that cover the earth as far as my eye can see.
Winter is eternal.
I long for the sun to kiss my skin
with lips of fragant summer
Waking up to the lover's song of a mourning dove
and tasting the fruit off my tree
I miss the feel of a clean dive
my body slicing the water...
But it is only January.
and so i pull my hat down over my ears
and go out to start my car.
I Must Want You Totear me apart.
I want you to.
penetrate my fragile defenses
with well-placed strikes
calculated to bring the most misery
in the least number of words.
play with my emotions
spin them like a child's top
and chuckle at the whirling chaos I feel.
I want to feel your knife
even as I see your smile
the cold hard metal imparting truth
and bringing me once more to the edge
of everything I believe to be sane
give me a reason to end any hope
that this could be something beautiful.
Take the little I can afford to give you
make sure you crush it and ensure it is dead
before you give it back to me
saying it wasn't enough for you to bother with.
wait until I am broken
you know i will come back.
push just a little.
I can feel it.
separating me, believing you.
suddenly i need you again
to hold me and tell me everything is okay
please just fix it.
then you smile at me when I break
dressing the wounds that you created
and pretending you want to help
telling me I am 'fragile'.
Swirl the Greenswirl the green within my eyes
with the touch of your salty lips
trace the shivers that taunt my skin
with playful fingertips
i alone know the end of this game
and yet I'm willing to play
for the turns we take on love's gameboard
are too delicious not to stay
hours slide by when I'm with you
like drops of summer rain
that fall and pool and merge into one
at the bottom of a windowpane
nothing can touch this perfect song
or dull its sweet violin
except the real, the silent truth
that waits so deep within
though nothing is real
in this moment, this touch
except for you, right now
nothing could make me forget the way you'll take more than I'll allow
but allow is what i'll do with you
if you look at me that way
smile so soft and touch so light
there's nothing you need to say
and so it is with you and i
this spinning world of sighs
I should leave but I need you to
swirl the green within my eyes.