Drops of Mercurydrops of mercury
rise in your eyes
reflecting the slow burn
coursing through my veins
my love surrounds you
like an adoring moon
in an eternal orbit
and i can only imagine
the euphoria that i will feel
when we finally touch
words could not survive here
in this dark vacuum between us
they would only break this sweet tension
holding us together like Saturn's rings
the delicious taste of what is to come
lifts the corner of my mouth
in a shy smile tinged with smoky desire
and then you touch me.
and I pull you
Long Distance FallI am sitting here
watching my toes curl
painted red to match my cheeks
as i listen to you tell me again
how much you miss me and
how much you
I am holding back from
tossing the words out there
as i try to make sure again
that I love you for you
and not for
I will wait here like this
indefinitely I think
as I hope and wish
like a little girl once gone
Euphoria Untitled IIi hold this knife in my trembling hand
lost in the flecks of light
glinting across the blade
they glow red in the thin film of my blood
that lies along the edge like a banner
I just traced it
along my cold, lonely skin
and for only a moment,
I wasn't alone.
trail the sharpened tip down my hand
to the place where my life runs
like a blue river under my skin
i want to push the sharpness in
and let the pain flow out
I know this is the only way
I will ever be able to leave.
begging me to stay
they sound as empty as I did
as I sobbed pleas to him
and he laughed.
I am just a stupid little person
in love with him.
but just as I cannot summon the strength
to walk away from him,
I cannot bring myself to slide this metal
any further into my skin
but I look at my front door and wonder
if I could maybe just turn the doorknob...
Rollercoaster by euphoriaRollercoaster
climbing so slowly
little by little
you promise when we get to the top
that I will be able to look back
over all the valleys and see
how very far we've come
I am so excited
everything's going well
revel in the cotton candy kisses
you plant on my cheek
still damp from not-so-long-ago tears
but none of that matters now
I am anxious to see the top
Cresting the hill now
almost come to a stop
long enough for me to see a glimpse
of how beautiful it could be
But then the wishes blow through my hair
and my sanity starts to lift from its grounding
in the weightlessness of your forceful anger and
my fear is matched by the volume
of my frustrated, painful screams,
wrenched from a soul that always knew
we'd never stay at the top long.
something you do not hearI love you.
More than I ever thought possible,
and more than I want to
at this moment.
It's a weakness now,
a fatal flaw in my soul that threatens to unravel
the tiny bit of sanity that I have
wrapped up so tight around
a heart that has been breaking for a long time
I am angry at you.
the rage at what I have become
under your not-so-careful ministrations
draws me toward a void
that could swallow me whole
and hold me until I am old.
I am afraid of you.
I know you could leave me
and it chills the very soul you have broken
time and time again
the thought of this empty space
fills me with a lonely sound
only my sobs can drown out
I adore you.
The way you can make me laugh
so hard, at nothing.
The way you look in your boxers
and how you bury your face in my neck
when you fall asleep
The sweetness of your touch
and the precious, elusive joy in your rare smiles
can take my breath away.
And so I will apologize to you
uncurl the ball of tears on the floor
that I have become yet
a better wifeI'm trapped inside this size 16 body
wondering what it's like to be someone else
if only for a moment
just to be beautiful
looking to you for the assurance
to simply be me
and yet I watch you slice so precisely
through the heart of all I am
with your excusing little phrases
and your perfectly brutal logic.
It's not my fault you're insecure, you say
you were a mess way before I got here
I'm not obligated to tiptoe around you
I like other women.
And it's my God-given right to look at them.
my mind screams
how can I make you understand?
Don't you know how this makes me feel?
I will never BE that.
Why am I not enough?
don't you know how badly I want you to want only me?
What is it about me that makes you
need to see everyone else naked but me?
What am I doing wrong?
Maybe if you were a better wife, you say.
unbreakable - by euphoriabreathing the coppery scent of worry
she checked her watch again
wondering why he was late
she paced back and forth
from the edge of the kitchen
to the window and back
trying not to slip
in the puddle of fear
slowly growing on the floor,
littering the air above her
with hastily constructed prayers
painted with the urgency
of the unknown,
and the goodbyes to a friend that never knew
they may have needed to be said
he was crawling from a twisted pile of metal
unknowing of the miracle
that kept the attachment of his body and soul
through a deadly pirouette that
somehow claimed everything but him.
I drop you off at the airport
twenty-four hours later
We stand there for a moment
and you watch me silently
as I light a cigarette
and try to breathe the last two days out
with the acrid smoke
and as you walk away,
i realize that the bond of friendship we have
is even more unbreakable
than you are.
euphoria untitled Ii held my breath.
waiting for you to see
the shadow that was me
and offering a hint of love's perfume
on the wrist of an outstretched hand
you always smiled at me
touching my hand
but never taking it
while I smiled in silent adoration,
secure in my blinding belief.
You never led me on, you say
and that truth is entirely more painful
than the death of whatever I had once hoped could be
as i sit with cold yet dry eyes
and contemplate the news of an unborn child
that is yours
but not mine.
Sensual Mindmy mind wraps around delicious little thoughts
as my tongue slides, silky around yours
the taste of our lovemaking stays on my lips
as we lie intertwined on the floor
stretching my arms up over my head
and curling my toes underneath
my hands come to rest on the top of your head
as your lips make it harder to breathe
your weight pins me there, willing and weak
not a thought in my head but this place
raise up and then slide yourself even with me
as your eyes slowly smile at my face
we finish this poem of bodies and song
falling deep into this dream
i awaken and smile to feel you there
for you're not as asleep as you seem.