I sat on the floor
laying out all my poems around me
like a sea of mirrors
and saw myself staring back
multiplied in the shards of broken glass
until I was immersed in everything,
everything I have written down to forget

the cracks and slivers
broke apart the image of my face
just as the emotions in the words
once broke apart the fibers of my soul
rendering me into pieces I never thought
could ever find each other again

I saw them each in turn
each mirror a story
each line a memory, an emotion
a part of who I am
and I was suddenly back there
feeling, being.

tracing my finger over the wounds
a knife once laid into my skin
I touched the puckered white scars
choking again on the paralyzing fear
and remembering the scarlet color of my own blood

my hand settled upon my belly
and I smiled as I remembered my firstborn son
somehow i didn't notice the tears
that splashed upon the paper-mirror on the floor
as my mind visited his grave once more

I wished farewell to Shad
clutching the undying blue rose
the thorns of harsh reality
wrapped in the wistful wishes
that my heart still holds for his safe return

I smelled the primrose rain
and trailed my fingers through clear water
that reflected the sapphire eyes
of someone whose laughing kisses
and bittersweet goodbyes
I will never forget

I closed my eyes
allowing myself to feel
everything I had tried to bury
in neat little poem boxes,
stacking them in little piles
categorized alphbetically for others:
Look at the outside - enjoy!
but don't open them, please.

_________________


But they are meant to be opened.
Shared.
strewn about, lifted high
like my head.
This is who I am.
Come and see.